Monday, November 19, 2012

Marrying The Right Person

I found this article saved in the Drafts folder. Why was it there in the first place? Err... makcik tak hingatlah. :P

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said,"How do I know if I married the right person?"

I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, "It depends. Is that your husband?"

In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?"

Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind.

Here's the answer.

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated his/her call, wanted his/her touch, and liked his/her idiosyncrasies.

Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience.

You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love... Because it's happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about the imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience.

But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, church, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it.

I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could.

And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):


SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the expression "the labor of love."

Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. if you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable... you can "make" love.

Love in marriage is indeed a "decision"... Not just a feeling.

Bila difikir-fikirkan, it kinda makes sense, doesn't it? *ponders*

I do believe that jodoh telah ditentukan oleh Allah SWT, but that does not mean we do not have to usaha to make the marriage work, especially when you have kids and tend to get overwhelmed with life's never-ending demands and challenges. Soooo exhausting, I tell you!! But I try to constantly remind myself of the sweet rewards that'll come in the end, In Shaa Allah. The Road to Jannah is not a smooth one, y'all.

There's no such thing as a dugaan-free marriage. I learned this along the way. Communication is the key. And as clic as it may sound, so is perseverance. But most important of all, never forget to make lots and lots of du'a.

Happy 13th Anniversary, famyBoy!! *muahhsss*

May Allah SWT bestow upon us guidance (and lots of patience!) to carry out our duties as husband & wife and Ibu & Ayah, in ways that will please Him. May He shower our family with health, wealth and happiness and may we, as a family, always always always live our lives in taqwa.

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