Monday, February 28, 2005

Aidiin Blues aka Out Of Office (Again!)

I am at home today because Aidiin is sick. I decided to take a couple days off of work to spend some time with him, and ensure he gets the proper attention and medication. By all means, I want to avoid having him hospitalized. It's not that I do not trust the teachers (or anyone else for that matter) to feed him his medicine, but I get more assurance from doing it myself, especially during "cringing" moments like this. Cannot tahan listening to his phlegmy cough and almost breathless wheezing.

It's not really a good time to be away from work what with deadlines to meet, pending tasks to complete, softwares to deploy and service requests to attend to, but I can't think of anything better to do. I know that even if I was at work, I'd not be able to concentrate and give my best. But seriously, I would not be able to go through the working moments not wondering if he's okay, if he's drinking/eating well, if he's getting enough sleep, if he's not being exposed to dust/germs, if he's getting his medication on time. So, the best thing to do is to look after him myself (besides praying that he gets well soon), hopefully able to nurse him back to health within this next few days. No more hospitals for me, thank you. Experienced being warded, physiotherapy, drips, needles and the whole extravaganza once with Sofea (when she was around the same age as Aidiin is now) and was very much traumatized (child and parents alike) with the whole thing.

I woke up this morning to Aidiin's big warm smile after he's done slobbering all over my face. I think he's happy that I've decided to stay home and take care of him. What more can an Ibu ask for? *melts*

Ever since Aidiin started going to school (and getting exposed to all possible germs), he's been sick on and off, which implies that I've been out of office on and off... not very good from a management point of view, appraisal-wise, that is.


I do hope my bosses understand my situation...

Oh by the way, AR7 starts this week. woo hooooo!!!

Friday, February 25, 2005


Q: Who goes to one MPH Warehouse Sale three days in a row in three different cars?

*hangs head in shame*

I am such an addict. Sheesh.

Looks like history is repeating itself.

Sunday, February 20, 2005

Losing Sofea

I lost my daughter today.

We were in One Utama (old wing) this morning after having breakfast at McDonald’s. A friend mentioned about Jusco having a Baby Fair (read: SALE), so generally (out of habit lah kan) I decided to go check it out. There weren’t that many people during the time since we got there quite early, around 11-ish. But as time passed, the crowd grew bigger. The Baby Fair was held in front of the main entrance to Jusco, at the open space in front of British India and a bunch of other shops.


Aidiin was on and off falling asleep so Ayah had to either carry or push him around in the stroller. Sofea followed her Ayah for awhile and then decided to follow me. It’s impossible to actually keep a watchful eye on a super hyperactive child (I am not exaggerating about this) because she keeps running around looking here and there, poking at this and that, and turning left and right, you name it. She was going back n forth between where her Ayah was standing/strolling and where I was looking at baby clothes/shopping. She ran around in circles under the Baby Fair archway, she played hide-and-go-seek, she laughed and played chase-me-if-you-can with some random kids. All the while I kept one eye on her by ensuring I could see at least the top of her head from where I stood. No matter how far she went, she always managed to find me and make an appearance to confirm her existence. “Hi Ibu, what are you doing?” she’d yell out, to which I’d reply with “Kakak, jangan pegi jauh-jauh, okay?” (Don’t go too far, okay?)

I had an armful of baby clothes, of various colors and was ready to head to the cashier, when famyBoy showed up with Aidiin (drool and all) and asked “Sofea mana?” (Where’s Sofea?).

I looked around hoping to see her nearby but she was nowhere in sight. “Dunno. She came by just now.” I started to call out her name but no ‘top of her head’ can be seen. No replies either. No “Hi Ibu, what are you doing?” to confirm her existence. I dumped the clothes on Aidiin’s stroller and started to walk around looking, eyes scanning left and right, straining my neck in the crowd to find a small short-ish person in a blue flowery blouse and khaki pants. “Damnit, where the hell is she??!!” I had all kinds of scary images (which involved kidnappers and perverted sickos) in my head. I immediately thought of Marlin frantically swimming after the white boat that took Nemo away. I felt helpless. And weak. And numb.

Then I saw her, a woman holding her hand, walking towards the toy section. I rushed over towards them and said “Excuse me, I believe you’ve found my daughter.” Sofea had tears streaming down her cheeks. I thanked the woman, who told me she found my daughter wandering aimlessly near a jewellery store, crying.

I had mixed emotions when I took my daughter's hand. Angry, scared, guilty, thankful, furious, apathetic. But mostly thankful... Alhamdulillah.

I couldn’t bring myself to scold her although I had so many mean things to say. Seeing her teary eyes and guessing how scared she must’ve been was enough to keep me silent. I don’t know if I should’ve punished her. I don’t know if I should’ve nagged and nagged. I don’t know if I should’ve just given her a hug and tell her I love her and I’m glad that I didn’t lose her for good. I didn’t know how to react then so I just let things be. I proceeded to pay for the stuff, then we left One Utama and headed to an open house invitation. And later to my parents’ house. As if the whole thing had not happened.


Sofea is at my parents’ at the moment. famyBoy is on his way to pick her up. I have just tucked Aidiin to sleep.

I plan to have a heart-to-heart talk with my daughter tonight. But until now I do not know what to say...

*heavy sigh*

Ya Allah, help me, please.



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